10 Best Decisions of our Married Life... #8 Trust & Respect

Recently I began to share something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  That document was created as a compilation of entries under the title:  

THE TEN BEST... or 

The Wisdom of the most important women in your life.  

Each woman who submitted an entry chose her own subject matter.  I promised to post my entry on this blog.  This is the eighth of our top decisions in the list of:

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

8.  We will support each other with mutual trust and respect confident that each is striving to know and do God’s will.

Ephesians 5: 22, 23, 25 THE MESSAGE Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.  Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting. 

One of the greatest gifts Uncle John has given me is to trust the choices I make about how I spend my time.  I have many friends whose husbands demand an accounting of everything that has been done, spent, said, with whom, where, when, etc.  And then there is often criticism of those choices.  This trust is precious and for us it has given us both freedom to exercise the strengths we have received from God.  There have been some times when each of us has seen a worrisome expenditure of time and energy in the other.  We have expressed that and it has provided a good balance for us in seeing mistakes we were making.  It is easy to get over committed and find ourselves operating under significant stress.  One time when that was true for me, I talked to Uncle John about my feelings and his counsel was, “Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean that God wants you to do it.”  That freed me to resign from a position I had so I could take better care of my family.  But to be honest, this is an on-going choice which we have to work on.  It is easy to be critical of how our spouse spends time but it has worked for us to talk about our view of things and get the other’s perspective about what they are doing.  The principle that needs to be at work here is that each partner must be thinking of serving and giving and then trust and respect are the result.  We have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.  The truth is, however, that we are still working on this one in our marriage.

9/11 Reflection...

As I've been reading articles today which share memories of 9/11, I've wondered if there was something relevant I could share also.

Before I attempted to put something into words for this blog, however, I decided to take care of an important item for a meeting I will chair today at 6:00 PM - the agenda for that meeting.

I am the Missions Director at my church.  A meeting will take place this evening of the Missions Council and this group of people will consider ways for our local congregation to continue international involvement in 2013.

I began the agenda as usual with a scripture which includes mention of God's concern "for the nations."  

10 Best Decisions of our Married Life... #7 Be Worthy of Trust

Recently I began to share something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  That document was created as a compilation of entries under the title:  

THE TEN BEST... or 

The Wisdom of the most important women in your life.  

Each woman who submitted an entry chose her own subject matter.  I promised to post my entry on this blog.  This is the seventh of our top decisions in the list of:

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

7.We will trust each other and be worthy of trust when we are apart.  If trust is violated, we will repent, forgive, rebuild trust and allow the situation to remain in the past.

I Corinthians 4:2 Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. 

Hebrews 13: 4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.          

This is a very important decision and one which can either strengthen or destroy your marriage.  When we say our marriage vows, we commit to love for a lifetime and forsake all others.  This is the commitment couples willingly make to each other on their wedding day.  But in the routine of life, there may come temptations to violate trust and break faith with our spouse.  It is possible to put someone or something in the place reserved for our marriage partner.  How painful this is when it happens.  But because all things are forgivable with God, all things need to be forgivable in our marriage.  Let me encourage you to take very seriously from day one of your marriage the decision to live worthy of the trust your spouse places in you.  If you do, you will be able to live without the pain and regret of failure.  We have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.  We have had to practice the second part of this decision and it has made it possible for our marriage to be strengthened rather than destroyed.

10 Best Decisions of our Married Life... #6 Reach Consensus or Linda Submits

Recently I began to share something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  That document was created as a compilation of entries under the title:  

THE TEN BEST... or 

The Wisdom of the most important women in your life.  

Each woman who submitted an entry chose her own subject matter.  I promised to post my entry on this blog.  This is the sixth of our top decisions in the list of:

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

6.We will make all major decisions together and seek to reach consensus. We will not proceed in any area on anything unless both of us are at peace and in agreement. But if an irreconcilable difference occurs on a matter needing an immediate decision, Linda will submit to John’s leadership.

Ephesians 5: 21-23 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  This is not difficult for us.  Uncle John is a very loving husband who gives me much support and freedom.  It is easy for me to be willing to submit to him - I almost never have to.  But there was one time when we faced an issue with a difference of opinion.  We were moving to Texas.  I really wanted to buy a house and not move into a rent home.  We looked for a house and decided to make an offer to purchase.  Our offer was turned down and since our home in Wisconsin had not yet sold, we decided not to counter offer but instead to rent a house.  The day before we drove away from Wisconsin, our realtor called to say the seller of the home we’d made an offer on had decided they would accept our offer after all.  I was just sure this was God’s will for us and I was so eager to buy instead of rent.  John, however, did not have peace about the decision and said he didn’t want to own two houses at a time.  As hard as it was for me to do, I knew I needed to submit to his will and move into a rent house.  It took six months for our house to sell but five years before we bought another home.  In looking back, it was definitely the right thing to do.  I am so glad we didn’t buy the house we had made an offer on.  It needed work and it would have been far too expensive for us if we had bought it.  Interest rates were dropping and in five years we had become acquainted with our city and remain very pleased with the home we own now.  We have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.  Having peace in decisions is a way to be protected from mistakes.

10 Best Decisions of our Married Life... #5 Live on Our Income

Recently I began to share something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  That document was created as a compilation of entries under the title:  

THE TEN BEST... or 

The Wisdom of the most important women in your life.  

Each woman who submitted an entry chose her own subject matter.  I promised to post my entry on this blog.  This is the fifth of our top decisions in the list of:

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

5.We will live on the amount of money our employment provides:

            a. Pay no credit card interest

            b. Save some from each pay check for retirement

            c.  Pay cash for all purchases except items which do not depreciate.

Romans 13: 7a-8 Give everyone what you owe him:...Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another,...  Some of the decisions I am writing about are things we realize that we have lived out but may not have actually articulated until now.  This decision, however, is not in that category.  This was a very conscious, stated, clearly committed to decision from the outset of our life together.  We decided to trust our needs and wants to the Lord and let him provide for us.  There is so much I could say related to this but at this time I will just summarize how we managed this.  We have never had what most people in America would consider a huge income.  So from the beginning of our married life, we have had to live frugally.  We have learned how to do this and feel that all our needs and most of our wants have been supplied.  Sometimes our needs have been met in a manner which could only be an unforeseen answer to prayer.  For example, one month it looked as though we would be short just under $100.00 to pay our utility bills.  A letter arrived in the mail from someone who had never before given us any money.  The letter included a check for $100.00 with the explanation that they just felt it was something that they should do at that time.  Another example is this.  We lived in New York City at the time Uncle John’s father was scheduled for heart surgery.  Uncle John felt he needed to fly home to be with his mother at that time but we didn’t have the money for the trip.  We decided to book the flight anyway.  A day or so after booking the flight, a man from the church came to our door and told us that an accounting mistake had been made during the previous year and we had been underpaid.  He gave us a check in the amount we were owed - about the exact amount of the trip to Wisconsin.  So you see some of how God has taken care of us.   

But the most frequently used method of living frugally is that I have shopped want ads, estate and garage sales, thrift stores and consignment shops for all our furniture, most of our clothing and many of the other things with which we have our home furnished.  I often say that everything in our home has a story and it thrills me to share how God has provided for us at the same time that we have lived within our means.  Further training in this area comes as a free gift - my knowledge will happily be shared whenever you have questions.  We have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.  Now I have the joy of blessing my children and grandchildren, a friend in Argentina and others along the way as I find my “deals”.

10 Best Decisions of our Married Life... #4 Live on One Income

Recently I began to share something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  That document was created as a compilation of entries under the title:  

THE TEN BEST... or 

The Wisdom of the most important women in your life.  

Each woman who submitted an entry chose her own subject matter.  I promised to post my entry on this blog.  This is the fourth of our top decisions in the list of:

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

4.We will live on one income when our children are pre-schoolers and longer if possible.

Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Becoming a mother was the most exciting event in my life after marriage.  We had delayed starting our family until I finished my undergrad degree and Uncle John finished seminary.  (This was also an important decision.)  So when our first child was born, I was very ready to stay home and be a mother.  I have never considered it a sacrifice.  I have always viewed it as a wonderful privilege - both to be a mother and to stay home while the children were young.  I did not go back to teaching until our children began college.  Then I was able to work half time in a job sharing opportunity until we had more than one child in college.  We felt strongly that our responsibility as parents was to give our children quantity and quality where our time was concerned.  We have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.  Being home with the children allowed me to be involved in home Bible studies as well as give support to Uncle John’s career.

10 Best Decisions of our Married Life...#3 Monthly Tithe Non-negotiable

Recently I began to share something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  That document was created as a compilation of entries under the title:  

THE TEN BEST... or 

The Wisdom of the most important women in your life.  

Each woman who submitted an entry chose her own subject matter.  I promised to post my entry on this blog.  This is the third of our top decisions in the list of:

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

3.Monthly tithing a minimum of 10% to Christian work is a non-negotiable commitment.

           

Leviticus 27: 30 “A tithe of everything from the land, whether grain from the soil or fruit from the trees, belongs to the Lord: it is holy to the Lord.”  We have honored this commitment regardless of our income.  We have never discussed reconsidering this even during a time of unemployment.  We have always been able to pay our bills.  Scripture has much to say about giving cheerfully, freely, generously as Jesus modeled.  As we look back on our life, we know that we have experienced blessing from the Lord.  Perhaps our honoring him with our tithes has resulted in tangible and intangible blessings.  We have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.  And in recent years, we have been privileged to give more than 10% each year to ministry causes.

10 Best Decisions of our Married Life...#2 No Divorce Option

Yesterday I began to share something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  That document was created as a compilation of entries under the title:  

THE TEN BEST... or 

The Wisdom of the most important women in your life.  

Each woman who submitted an entry chose her own subject matter.  I promised to post my entry on this blog.  This is the second of our top decisions in the list of:

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

2. Divorce is not an option.

Malachi 2: 15a - 16a Has not the Lord made them one?...do not break faith with the wife of your youth.  “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel.  Since this is how God feels about divorce, we decided we would live out his desire for married couples.  Marriage is also a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church - bridegroom and bride.  His love for the bride is unconditional - characterized by forgiveness, sacrifice and grace.  We committed to have that be our goal as a married couple.  It’s not always easy but we have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.

10 Best Decisions of our Married Life..,. #1 Seek God's Direction

As I posted yesterday to share some memories of our wedding day 46 years ago, I remembered something I composed some years ago to be part of a document for a niece as she got married in June 2004.  I promised to post those 10 decisions on this blog.

The Top Ten Decisions Guiding Our Married Life

By Uncle John and Aunt Linda Worden

Dear Niece and future Nephew,

Uncle John and I have collaborated on this “Top Ten” list so I am addressing both of you as I share these decisions we have made and followed throughout the nearly thirty-eight years of our married life.  We share these thoughts with you not to seek to impress you or others with our wisdom and brilliance but because we truly feel they contain some nuggets of nurture which you may want to consider incorporating into your married life.  It has been a very joyful process to ponder the path our life has taken and to realize that we have benefited from some of the conscious and unconscious decisions we made as our life together began so long ago.  If there is anything here that is useful to you, we are humbly honored.  We have found that marriage has been a very wonderful experience for us.  We are better people because of the commitment we have to each other.  We have matured and mellowed as our lives have blended.  We share these ten decisions not to imply life is and has been perfect.  In fact, there are decisions we wish could be part of this list but because we have failed, they cannot be.  But for this gift, we are sharing our strengths; not many of our weaknesses.  We just want you to know that some of these things take years to get hammered into habits so don’t require of yourselves immediate maturity.  But starting out with a plan to incorporate your list of firm decisions will limit the potential for regret in the future.  May your love for each other be strengthened each day of your lives together and may you have many years to enjoy your “oneness”.  And if there’s anyway that we could give you some support, feel free to call at any time.

Love,

Uncle John and Aunt Linda

1. We will seek God’s direction in all aspects of our life.

Isaiah 47:17 This is what the Lord says - your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”  Both Uncle John (age 12) and I (age 6), became Christians at an early age.  We had already been living our lives as we felt God wanted us to so it was only natural that we would continue in our married life to seek God’s direction for us and our family. 

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  This verse is telling us that when we seek to follow God’s commands, the result will be that our needs will be supplied - food, water and clothing.  We have been married for nearly 38 years and we have absolutely no regrets for having followed this decision throughout our lives.  We have abundantly experienced the promises given in these scriptures.  God’s faithfulness has brought us great joy.

Celebrating 46 Years of Marriage...

Yesterday was the 46th wedding anniversary for my husband and me. Our wedding took place in John's home church in Madison, WI.  I had lived in Madison for 3 school years and was a regular in attendance with John and his family at Faith Baptist Church by then so it was a logical choice for the wedding.  It also was more centrally located for many of our friends and family who would attend. 

John wrote the marriage vows we memorized and shared that day.

MARRIAGE VOWS

of John Worden and Linda Groves

August 20, 1966

John:  Linda, before God and these witnesses, I take thee to be my wedded wife and so covenant as the head of our home to faithfully love and care for you alone through all of life together, to share with you that depth of love that comes through knowing Christ in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health until death shall separate us or until Christ returns.

Linda:  John, with God and this company in witness, I take thee to be my wedded husband, and so covenant to faithfully love and care for you alone in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health so long as we both shall live.  With confidence and deepest love, I commit to you all that I am and have and hope to be till death shall separate us or Christ returns.

John's family provided much support for our special day which I have only come to really appreciate with time and maturity.  John's mother had been raised in the home of a florist.  She offered to make all floral arrangements for our wedding - bridal bouquet, attendant's flowers, corsages, boutonnieres, altar arrangements and flower girl's basket.  John's parents also hosted many of our extended family members.  Friends of theirs on the block where they lived offered enough bedrooms to house everyone saving lots of money which was very tight for many of us at that time. 

Faith Baptist Church, Madison, WI, August 20, 1966

The female attendants were our siblings.  John's sister, Cindi, is on the far left.  My next youngest sister, Kathy, was my maid of honor.  My sisters Barbara and Margelyn were bridesmaids.  All of us were university students at the time except my sister Marge who was still in high school.  

The male attendants were both family and friends.  John's younger brother, Jim, was the best man.  His sweetheart who would become his bride the next year, had opened the service with flute music.  Groomsmen were a 1st cousin of John's, Robert Stiles, and UW friends, Everett Peterson and Philip Bays.  

The flower girl, Joanne Montie, and ring bearer, Jerry Montie, were the children of the family from whom I rented a room during my third year in Madison, WI.  Part of the cost of my room was provided through some childcare so I had become close to these sweet children.

John and I were not very happy with the photo taken of the two of us in August so our photographer did a retake in early January of 1967.  Again my mother-in-law provided a duplicate of my bridal bouquet in silk flowers which very closely matched the August bouquet.

Early January - still happy to be married.

So with the passage of 46 years, there has been so much that we have shared.  It has not always been easy but we have remained committed to each other and to the Lord.  We give him credit for the many blessings we celebrate together.

We have recently returned from our 8th mission trip together to the country of Moldova.  Last year, we had this photo taken of us while we were there so it's pretty close to what we look like at this point in our lives.

La Taifas Restaurant, Chisnau, Moldova, Auguest, 2011

Several years ago, I participated with multiple family members with the creation of a document entitled, THE TEN BEST... or The Wisdom of the Most Important Women in Your Life, for a niece who was getting married.  My contribution was entitled, THE TEN BEST DECISIONS OF OUR MARRIED LIFE.

I will share those ten decisions on this blog in the future days.

For now I close with great gratitude to God for the deep joy I have in my life that comes from a marriage that is strong and settled.  Knowing that I am loved by God and my husband provides me with growing confidence to be the person who hopefully honors both of them.